


Exploiting Technicalities

by pineapplesquad



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Arguing, Avalon Protocol, Avenger Loki (Marvel), Banter, Blood and Injury, Crying, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Hopeful Ending, Hurt Tony Stark, Hurt/Comfort, Loki (Marvel) Needs a Hug, M/M, Major Character Injury, POV Loki (Marvel), POV Tony Stark, Protective Jarvis (Iron Man movies), Protective Loki (Marvel), Self-Sacrificing Tony Stark, Tony Stark Needs a Hug
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-28
Updated: 2020-10-28
Packaged: 2021-03-08 18:00:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,225
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27240829
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pineapplesquad/pseuds/pineapplesquad
Summary: His blood ran cold the moment his seidr touched the other man. With unsteady hands he switched his earpiece to their private channel, fighting the panic rapidly crawling up his throat. “JARVIS,” he snapped, voice already shaking, “why are you piloting Anthony’s armor?”Loki didn’t care for the long pause before the AI finally answered. “Sir has activated a protocol that, when enabled, allows me to remotely pilot the Iron Man armor to continue the fight if he is to fall unconscious. My priority is now the safety of the team.”
Relationships: Jarvis (Iron Man movies) & Loki, Jarvis (Iron Man movies) & Tony Stark, Loki & Thor (Marvel), Loki/Tony Stark
Comments: 24
Kudos: 312





	Exploiting Technicalities

**Author's Note:**

> Had a quick spell of writer's block for my other story and this just needed to get out of my head.

When the Avengers got the call to assemble, Loki was immediately irritated. He’d been looking forward to spending a few more hours lounging on the couch with Anthony. The mechanic had been holed up in his lab for nearly ten days of nonstop ‘mad science’ and Loki wanted to spend time chatting and snuggling and just _existing_ in one another’s space. But it wasn’t meant to be on this particular Thursday.

When Anthony raced to get his suit, Loki donned his own armor petulantly with the hope that the battle would be over soon enough and the rest of his day wouldn’t be ruined.

He really should have known better.

He hadn’t expected it to be _easy,_ but he certainly hadn’t been prepared for it to drag on for several hours with no end in sight. None of the Avengers had anticipated that the battle would be quite this rough. They were making progress, but very slowly. These Doom Bots, as Anthony had dubbed them, seemed to learn and adjust their fighting styles rapidly. And there had to be hundreds of them because the entire city was swarmed and no matter how many the Avengers tore down, three more emerged to fight harder and smarter.

“I have just destroyed another five,” Thor cheered over their earpieces. “I believe I am winning!”

“Twelve more and you’ll catch up to Hulk,” Anthony shot back. “Damn, that brings the count up to two hundred! And you guys think _I_ make too many suits.”

“You won’t hear me complain about that ever again,” Rogers panted.

“Ditto,” Barton said. “Loki, seven o’clock.”

Loki glanced behind him to gauge whether he should concentrate his efforts on the Doom Bots in front of him or the ones approaching. With an irritated growl, he turned to face the six incoming Doom Bots and used clones of himself to distract the two behind him. “Why did I agree to this,” he seethed, aiming a dagger infused with explosive seidr and letting it fly into the throat of one of the Doom Bots.

“You would have us believe that you do not enjoy the competition, brother?”

“I am not participating in your foolish game, Thor.”

“I bet he means why did he become an Avenger,” Romanov said. Then, under her breath, “I’m sure starting to wonder why I did.”

Thor gave a loud, overly thoughtful hum. If he was near enough, Loki would have been tempted to let a dagger loose in his direction. “As I recall, he had very little choice in the matter.” When Loki grumbled something unflattering in Asgardian, Thor had the gall to _laugh._ “Perhaps my earpiece is malfunctioning! I believe I am just north of Times Square if you would like to find me and repeat yourself!”

Loki glared in that direction, already gathering seidr at his fingertips to do exactly that. “I _said—_ ”

“One fight at a time, please!” Rogers called out. “We don’t want another _incident.”_

“Who is _‘we’_ ,” Anthony demanded.

“Right? I wanna know what he said,” Romanov muttered, out of breath. “But, moving right along: are you ‘not participating’ because you’re in fourth place?”

Two of the Doom Bots in front of him attacked at once and Loki used his seidr to turn them on each other. Their fists punched through each other’s chests before they crumpled to the ground. “Third,” Loki returned. “And no.”

“Nah, Iron Man just mowed down six of them,” Barton said. “You’re behind Stark again.”

“I care nothing for what rank you place me in,” Loki said, smirking. “Though I _am_ quite fond of the view from behind Stark.”

“You find a way _every time,_ Barton,” Rogers huffed. “Can we have _just one_ —”

_“I_ find a way?” Barton exclaimed. “It’s not _my_ fault!”

“It’s kinda your fault,” Anthony said, though he sounded delighted.

“ _Loki_ is the one that turns everything I say into sexual innuendos!”

“It is best not to encourage him, friends,” Thor said. Loki knew that tone of voice and didn’t bother to bite back a grin since none of the Avengers would see it anyway. His intuition proved correct when Thor continued, “In a battle of words, I’m afraid you will not win. Loki has earned the moniker of ‘Silvertongue’ due to the precision and care with which he handles words.”

“Oh, that tongue handles more than _words_ with precision and care,” Anthony said. The chorus of groans and shouts of frustration were music to Loki’s ears, not least of all because he (and likely Anthony) knew that Thor’s words had been chosen with specific intent.

For some reason Loki couldn’t fathom, the Avengers were under the impression that Thor was just shy of naive. He’d likely never know how they came to _that_ conclusion — it just wasn’t possible that these heroes of Midgard thought that a spirited attitude and love of Pop-Tarts made _the God of Thunder_ a wide-eyed, innocent soul. Even if Loki had never met Thor in his life, the fact that he was over a thousand years old meant that he simply _couldn’t_ be as benign as they believed.

The fact that Thor was well aware of this and did nothing to dispel them of their presumptions was almost enough to endear Loki to his elder brother.

Almost. He didn’t care for Thor’s _**attempt**_ (the fact that it had worked was immaterial) to instigate a brawl while they were already preoccupied with battle, but they both knew Loki would rise to the challenge the moment the battle was over. Fatigue wasn’t a concern; when it came to physically or verbally fighting his brother, Loki would _always_ have the energy.

A beastly roar and the ground shaking beneath his feet was all the warning Loki got to the Hulk barreling down the street in his direction. He abandoned the fight and teleported onto a rooftop nearby, taking a moment to catch his breath as he watched the Hulk decimate the Doom Bots he’d been fighting.

“Hulk smash five!”

“Good job, Jolly Green,” Anthony said. “That’s two hundred and twenty-one down, two hundred more to go.”

Romanov made a noise of complaint. “You’re joking, right?”

“At the rate they keep popping—” Anthony grunted like the air was punched out of him. Loki looked up to see ten Doom Bots attacking him in the air all at once. His heart jumped into his throat as he stretched his seidr to grab and knock some of them out of the air. Three wavered and broke off their attacks but the remaining Doom Bots were hitting Anthony hard and fast, digging robotic fingers into the armor and yanking roughly.

Loki growled in frustration when the three Doom Bots flew at him. He teleported pieces of the wreckage on the street below into his hands and used them to impale the approaching Doom Bots. Two went down immediately, the third took an additional thirty seconds to defeat. 

He looked back up but Anthony and the other Doom Bots were no longer in sight. “Stark?” Loki called, keeping a tight leash on his anxiety.

“Fine,” Anthony grit out. “Just... ow. _Shit._ Seven.”

Loki caught sight of the armor flying back into the sky several blocks away and breathed a sigh of relief. It was annoyingly short-lived, as four more Doom Bots approached Loki on the rooftop. He _really_ hoped that the battle would be drawing to a close soon; the sheer number of Doom Bots was slowly but surely tiring him out.

Loki was sure all of them (except perhaps the Hulk) were approaching their limits. Even Thor had ceased calling out how many Doom Bots he’d destroyed, and Loki noticed that the bolts of lightning he saw in the distance were losing strength and frequency.

He tuned out the commands and sounds of exertion from the other Avengers as he focused on destroying any Doom Bots within his reach. Loki caught the familiar whine of thrusters in the distance and a glimpse was enough to tell him that the pilot was losing steam too. The tight turns and aerial stunts that Anthony was so fond of were nowhere to be seen, instead replaced by wide arcs and a more subdued pace.

“Che-Check in,” Rogers heaved.

“Hulk smash three!”

Thor gave a worn-out chuckle. “I grow weary, but I am well. And I believe these Bots of Doom are finally beginning to decrease in number.”

“Good, good,” Rogers said. “Romanov? Barton?”

“Alive,” Barton wheezed. Aggressive shouts and glass shattering were followed up with a pained, “Sorta.”

Romanov panted, “What he said.”

“I am unharmed as well,” Loki reported. A Doom Bot flew towards him at full speed and he gave a hard shove with his seidr to make it dive into the concrete below. “Though I, too, am beginning to feel fatigued.”

“Aren’t we all,” Rogers muttered bitterly. “Stark?” Loki heard the muted whines and blasts of repulsors over the comms, but Anthony didn’t answer. “Stark?”

“He’s down around 7th and Washington,” Barton said. “Looks fine to me.”

“I saw him take some hard hits and crash into a building before he took out those seven Doom Bots,” Rogers said. “Check in, Stark.”

Loki was not at all fond of the sensation writhing in his gut when Anthony still didn’t answer. It would’ve been easy to assume that he was distracted by the Doom Bots he was destroying, but Loki knew well that Anthony was capable of fighting, talking, strategizing, and calculating all at the same time. He couldn’t think of a reason why Anthony would remain silent.

Well, not a _pleasant_ reason.

“Maybe we just can’t hear him,” Romanov tried, sounding like she was running. “I saw him— _oh no, you don’t!_ ” A muffled crash sounded in their earpieces before she continued. “I saw him whizz by a few minutes ago and his suit really took a beating. Might’ve knocked out his ability to talk to us?”

That sounded... _possible..._

Before Loki could think on it further, he was surrounded by more Doom Bots and he pushed his concern aside. If there was something to be worried about, Anthony or JARVIS would have found a way to tell them.

“I, too, see him. And he is fighting with renewed vigor,” Thor reported before the comms echoed a loud thunderclap.

“Okay good,” Rogers said, winded. “Everyone keep pushing. Barton, can you confirm what Thor said about the Doom Bots?”

“I mean... There’s still too many, but their numbers _do_ seem to be decreasing rather than holding steady.”

“Homestretch,” Romanov croaked. “I’ll be honest: if there were two hundred more I think I’d pack it in for the day.”

Loki would have been right behind her. He was tapping into the reserves of his seidr by now, turning the Doom Bots on each other when they attacked rather than fighting each of them directly. And of course they seemed to realize what he was trying to do because they started attacking one by one while others stayed back as if waiting for their turn.

At least eight were queued up and the one Loki was currently battling had already dodged six daggers. Loki was getting a touch sloppy in his frustration and the Doom Bot was able to land a solid kick to his chest. Not enough to throw him to the ground, but enough to knock the wind out of him. He might even develop a bruise. The roar of thrusters increased in volume until Anthony was hovering several feet away from Loki. A well-aimed blast from the arc reactor in his chest sliced all the waiting Doom Bots in half before Anthony flew off.

Loki _finally_ managed to get two daggers into the Doom Bot and used only his strength to tear the daggers out sideways. “The creator of these wretched contraptions had better _pray_ that I do not find him before the authorities do,” he hissed.

“You... You tell ’em, Loki,” Barton rasped.

“I have killed for offenses far lesser than this,” Loki muttered darkly.

“Stark, if you can hear us, there’s... a cluster of Doom Bots... up by Central and Main.”

When Anthony still didn’t answer, Loki turned to watch Iron Man rise above the buildings and fly off to the intersection Barton spoke of.

The timing was miraculous.

For both of them.

There were no Doom Bots for Loki to immediately destroy, and Anthony flew by just close enough for Loki to reach out to him with a brush of his seidr. He had to be tired, had to have a collection of gruesome bruises from being rattled around inside his armor. Loki was too tired to think of anything affectionate to say but the light caress of his seidr would be enough for both of them.

His blood ran cold the moment his seidr touched the other man. With unsteady hands he switched his earpiece to their private channel, fighting the panic rapidly crawling up his throat. “JARVIS,” he snapped, voice already shaking, “why are you piloting Anthony’s armor?”

Loki didn’t care for the long pause before the AI finally answered. “Sir has activated a protocol that, when enabled, allows me to remotely pilot the Iron Man armor to continue the fight if he is to fall unconscious. My priority is now the safety of the team.”

Everything hit him at once. In the space of a few seconds Loki’s heart was pounding and he could only take in air with fast, shallow breaths. His vision was graying around the edges and a cold feeling was crawling up his spine because he’d _known_ something wasn’t right when Anthony didn’t answer but he’d _ignored_ it and now— “He is not merely unconscious, he is **dying!** Get him to a hospital! _**Now!”**_

“I’m afraid I cannot do that, Mr. Laufeyson,” JARVIS said, sounding truly regretful. “The Avalon Protocol has no overrides. I am not allowed to assist Sir in any capacity until the battle has ended.”

_Not allowed._

_Until the battle has ended._

_In **any** capacity._

Loki felt like the sky was caving in on him. _**“WHAT?!”**_

“My priority is now the safety of the team,” JARVIS repeated.

“Is... Is he not part of the team?”

“Only when the battle is over may I assess and assist Sir as necessary.”

“He does not have that much time,” Loki shouted, voice cracking. “Can you not read that with your scanners?!”

“I can.” The AI’s apologetic tone didn’t match the armor’s vicious assault on Doom Bots as it streaked across the horizon. “I am aware that Sir’s condition is critical. With the protocol active, Sir’s safety is ranked below keeping the team safe and ending the battle.”

This couldn’t be happening. This _could not_ be happening! Loki grew increasingly helpless and frantic with every small tendril of Anthony’s energy that faded away like wisps of smoke. What was he going to do? What if the fight wasn’t over in time? What if Anthony...

“I can’t think,” Loki whispered, raking fingers through his hair and pulling in an attempt to find even an ounce of equilibrium. Tears already blurred his vision but Anthony was going to _**die**_ if he let this terror swallow him. “I don’t... What am I suppos... Does he need to be _inside_ the armor for you to pilot it?”

A pause. “It is not required.”

He grabbed hold of that lifeline desperately. _This_ he could deal with; Loki was nothing if not a master of exploiting technicalities. “Bring him to me.”

“Mr. Laufeyson, I cannot override my own programming. The protocol will not allow for Iron Man to be pulled from the battle under any circumstances.”

“I said **bring him to me!** ”

“This protocol’s _only_ objectives are to end the fight and ensure that the other Avengers do not come to harm. It can only be cancelled by Sir. _An override does not exist._ ”

Any other day Loki might have found the clipped tone amusing. As it was, the AI was lucky that he had no physical body for Loki to eviscerate. “JARVIS,” Loki snarled, tearing a Doom Bot to pieces with a violent whip of seidr, “so help me, I will shoot the armor out of the sky if I have to!”

“The Avalon Protocol—”

“Exists to protect the team from harm, yes? Three Doom Bots are attacking me right now. Come dispose of them and drop Anthony to me while you are near; I will catch him.”

JARVIS didn’t respond, but Loki nearly dropped to his knees in relief as he watched the armor twist in the air with reckless speed and fly directly towards him. The armor came to an abrupt halt ten feet above the rooftop, shot heavy repulsor beams at the Doom Bots surrounding Loki, and folded open. Anthony crumpled lifelessly out of the suit and the armor was snapping shut and flying off before Anthony landed in Loki’s arms.

Loki was a breath away from hysterics as he gently laid Anthony on the ground. His chest was slightly caved in, he had a nasty tear on the back of one thigh, and a jagged shard of one of the Doom Bots was embedded in his side. Blood was already pooling on the ground beneath him and his life force flickered like a dying flame.

Loki wasn’t anything close to a healer but, through sheer force of will, he could do well enough to keep Anthony alive. And his seidr found renewed strength for the task at hand; Loki’s seidr knew and loved Anthony as much as Loki did. With hardly a thought a protective shield wrapped around both of them that Odin himself would have trouble breaking through. Without Doom Bots to worry about, Loki could focus completely on Anthony.

His pulse was so weak...

Loki ran tendrils of his seidr up and down Anthony’s body, feeling for the places bleeding the heaviest and stitching parts back together. An artery in his thigh, punctured lungs, intestines pierced by the metal shard...

He forced Anthony’s sternum back to its natural shape, though there were still cracks in the ribs. He stopped the blood from pouring out of the wound when he removed the shard of metal from his side and closed the gash in his thigh until it was no longer so deep that he was in danger of bleeding out. He wasn’t sure how much blood humans needed to live and only dared replenish twice the amount that Anthony had lost since Loki caught him. He fought tears as he collected the blood from Anthony’s lungs so he wouldn’t drown and forced it up his throat for him to cough out.

That was enough to wake him. Anthony propped himself up on an elbow and shook with heaving coughs until he was spitting out the last of the blood. He seemed confused as he stared dazedly at Loki for a few beats before realization and guilt took its place. Anthony trembled with the effort to sit himself upright and Loki was sure that he was in severe pain from the injuries the mage couldn’t heal completely.

But, now that he was no longer a whisper away from death, Loki didn’t have an ounce of sympathy to spare for his lover. He didn’t care how obvious it was that he’d been crying as he held Anthony’s gaze and let him get his fill of the quiet rage that Loki was barely keeping hold of.

There was an explosion in the distance, and it was clear that the battle was drawing to a close, but wasn’t quite over yet. He knew, of course, that he wouldn’t be able to talk Anthony out of getting back into the armor to finish the fight. The thread Loki was holding on by was dangerously thin and he wasn’t sure he could argue without screaming in Anthony’s face or saying something that he might regret. “JARVIS,” Loki said, “Stark is awake now and you may come collect him. _If your protocol will allow it, that is._ ”

Anthony’s gaze dropped to the ground and he mumbled a series of letters and numbers that Loki repeated to JARVIS. Hearing, “Code accepted: Avalon Protocol has been cancelled,” from the AI wasn’t enough to quiet the storm raging in Loki’s heart. He let Anthony struggle to his feet without assistance as the armor drew nearer, aiming a nasty glare at him all the while. Despite the intense pain he knew Anthony must be in, Loki itched to throttle him for the horror still writhing beneath his skin.

He was still bleeding in several places, still needed to go to the hospital (now, preferably), but he wasn’t going to die today. The tight feeling in Loki’s chest eased just a little as he dropped the shield surrounding them.

Wisely, Anthony didn’t say a word to Loki as he waited for the suit to land in front of him on the rooftop. His expression was grim and apologetic as he stepped into the armor and leapt back into the sky, headed straight for the heart of the battle.

Loki took a deep breath, suddenly aware of just how much he was shaking. A vicious part of him hoped that the guilt and shame of making Loki experience this waking nightmare would consume Anthony for years to come. “Please tell me if Stark exacerbates any of his injuries,” Loki said quietly.

“Of course, Mr. Laufeyson,” JARVIS replied, his tone unusually gentle. “I’m aware that I am, fundamentally, lines of coding and nothing more. Nevertheless, you have my deepest and sincerest gratitude for finding a way to circumvent Sir’s Avalon Protocol.”

Loki nodded, using one last burst of seidr to throw a Doom Bot headfirst into the pavement before sinking to the ground. He had no strength left to fight the hurricane of emotions and they overwhelmed him, leaving him struggling for air. “JARVIS,” he whispered, _“please_ don’t let him do that again. **I beg you.** ”

“Going forward, I will warn you of any serious injuries that Sir sustains immediately.”

At the end of the day, the AI was still under Anthony’s complete control. This was the best that Loki was going to get, but he’d take it gladly. “Thank you.”

* * *

Thor, Bruce, and Loki were able to head right back to the Tower after the battle was over, but the rest of them had to go to the hospital. Steve was allowed to leave after his wrist and ribs were wrapped, but the three _regular_ humans were forced to check in. Clint had a dislocated shoulder and sprained ankle, while Natasha suffered an arm broken in three places and a concussion. Tony was relieved to hear that he’d taken the worst beating out of all of them.

He hated hospitals, but he was far too injured to avoid a stay this time around. Though the fading pain was a relief once the medicine kicked in, the sluggish and wayward thoughts were a miserable price to pay.

He knew what his mind was capable of, and yet with the medicine coursing through his system he couldn’t control the path that his thoughts took. More than once he asked nurses and doctors to bring him ridiculous items, ranging from a scaffolding harness to cat litter. No one knew what he planned to do with those items once he obtained them, least of all him.

The first four days of Tony’s stay went by in a blurry, drug-induced haze. The fifth day he refused to have any more pain medication pumped into him despite how every inch of him was in agony if he so much as breathed wrong.

If that was the trade-off for being lucid, so be it.

Pepper, Rhodey, and Happy had been his only visitors. Tony was sure that JARVIS was keeping Loki up to date on his condition but he was still anxious to see his lover. He knew Loki was furious with him and he wanted a chance to explain himself.

He’d activated the Avalon Protocol in a haze of pain and fading consciousness. He hadn’t even been able to stay awake long enough to hear an affirmative from JARVIS. He had cut JARVIS off every time the AI tried to detail his injuries or tell him that he needed to leave the battle. Defeating the Doom Bots was too important to risk taking Iron Man out of the fight just because Tony lost consciousness.

But when Tony was a little more coherent and the doctors started pointing out his long list of injuries, Tony began to realize that he hadn’t _just_ lost consciousness.

_“You got lucky. A little deeper and your femoral artery would have been nicked.”_

_“One more hit and your chest could have caved in and punctured your lungs.”_

_“It’s a miracle that you didn’t lose more blood before you got to the hospital.”_

When Tony was able to stay awake long enough to terrorize a nurse into letting him have a tablet, JARVIS testily explained the severity of his injuries _before_ Loki healed him.

His femoral artery _had_ been nicked.

His chest _had_ caved in.

His lungs _had_ been punctured.

He recalled all the blood on the ground, remembered _choking_ on it as he woke up. He could comfortably guess that he’d been _very_ close to losing too much blood.

He hadn’t just been unconscious, he’d been _dying._

And Loki...

Loki was obviously waiting at the Tower to kill Tony himself.

When JARVIS told him about the loophole that Loki found, Tony couldn’t help but smile at the mage’s creativity and quick thinking. One of the reasons they’d worked so well together and fallen in love was because their minds were so evenly matched. If anyone in the entire world was going to outwit the carefully crafted coding of the Avalon Protocol, it was going to be Loki.

But his smile fell away just as quickly as it appeared. JARVIS had been in a mood from the moment he was connected to the tablet and he bluntly informed Tony, “It was not creativity that drove Mr. Laufeyson to find an escape clause, Sir. I believe it was fear and desperation.”

Tony sat conflicted for several hours as he reviewed footage and statistics from the battle, wondering if he should patch that oversight in the Avalon Protocol and any potential others. When he’d written the protocol years ago, whether or not the suit could potentially deposit his body someplace safe and continue the fight hadn’t been a consideration. JARVIS wasn’t allowed to inform the team of the severity of his injuries and, because the only way to cancel it was a code that only Tony knew, Iron Man could not be prematurely ordered out of the fight. JARVIS had years of data to pull from to mimic Tony’s fighting style; no one was supposed to know that Tony wasn’t piloting the suit.

He hadn’t accounted for Loki being able to reach out with his magic and _sense_ that Tony was dying, though.

The thought of Loki putting himself at risk to heal Tony’s injuries twisted his insides uncomfortably. The idea that he could potentially bring a fight to the hospital if he was being dropped off mid-battle was unacceptable. Half the time they weren’t near enough to a hospital for that to even be an option.

The entire point of the Avalon Protocol was to put the safety of the team above his own. If Tony died in battle, at least Iron Man could finish the fight. Losing consciousness had been at the forefront of his mind when coding the protocol, but if it served its purpose just as well in the event of Tony’s death then even better.

He didn’t _matter_.

Iron Man: Yes

Tony Stark: Not Recommended

If Loki was healing Tony and got hurt because of it...

Tony sighed. The hypocrisy wasn’t lost on him.

“If I may, Sir,” JARVIS said, “perhaps listening to the audio archives of the private channel during the incident may aid in your decision to either correct the protocol or discard it.”

“Never said I was scrapping it,” Tony muttered tiredly. “Nice try, though.” From the beginning, JARVIS hadn’t been a fan of the Avalon Protocol and it was clear that that wasn’t going to change. “But sure, go ahead. Maybe it’ll give me an idea of how long it’ll be before he speaks to me again.”

Loki’s panicked tone was jarring right out of the gate. It only got worse from there; Tony could _taste_ how desperate Loki was to find a way to save him. He’d only been awake to see Loki’s anger, he hadn’t known just how close to death he truly was. And then—

_“JARVIS,_ please _don’t let him do that again. **I beg you.** ”_

Tony was mute with horror. He’d expected cursing, shouting, heated promises to enact vengeance. Not...

**I beg you.**

Loki said it so weakly, so close to a ragged edge that Tony hadn’t even been aware of. Perhaps already lost in the anguish of an anxiety attack after bringing Tony back from the brink of death, only to watch him fly right back into the battle.

What would Loki have done if he hadn’t noticed that Tony was dying in time? If the protocol had worked as it was supposed to, unencumbered, the fight would have carried on for another twenty-six minutes after Tony lost consciousness. The Avengers would have won the battle, but JARVIS’ list of injuries left no doubt that Tony would have died.

_Please_ don’t let him do that again.

For a moment, Tony could see it play out with heartbreaking clarity.

The Iron Man armor was still fighting, and so everyone would think that Tony wasn’t speaking due to a malfunction of some kind. The battle would be won. The armor would land. Everyone would be relieved that they’d won another fight and they could all go home...

And then JARVIS would drop the bombshell that he’d been remotely piloting Tony’s fresh corpse like a marionette for nearly half an hour.

**I beg you.**

Tony was _f u c k e d_.

How could he have expected anything less than horror from Loki? (Or any of the other Avengers, for that matter? Had Loki told them about the Avalon Protocol?) If the roles were reversed, Tony would be devastated. How helpless would he feel if he knew that Loki was dying but his magic prevented Tony from getting to him? How would he cope with watching Loki slip away bit by bit with no idea of how to help him before it was too late?

**I beg you.**

“Sir,” JARVIS said, his tone now impossibly soft, “we care about you more than you seem to think.”

Tony didn’t realize that tears were spilling from his eyes until a nurse came in and yelped quietly, getting Tony tissues and asking if he needed medicine for the pain. Tony shook his head, lost in guilt and misery as the nurse awkwardly hovered for a while before finally taking his vitals and leaving.

The following days were spent rewriting the coding of the Avalon Protocol and crying himself to sleep to the thought of Loki’s tortured plea. The nurses caught him crying silently more often than not, and many assumed it was because Tony was in physical pain and was too stubborn to accept any medication. Most of them stopped offering after a few days and thankfully only one tried to slip him some medication without telling him, thinking he was doing Tony a favor. (It might have worked on any other patient, but Tony was a little too observant and he’d caught the billionaire on the wrong day. Rather than indignant, the nurse just seemed shocked and a little embarrassed when Tony had a fit and threw a drink on him.)

Tony didn’t deserve to be pain-free, didn’t deserve restful sleep. He would suffer every minute of shame and heartache without complaint after what he’d put Loki through.

The days started to blur together and the regret was suffocating but, all too soon, Tony was being discharged from the hospital. If he’d pushed, he could have left a week sooner but Tony’s fear of facing Loki was so great that he’d opted to _stay_ in the hospital. _For an additional **week**._

Three weeks of staying in the hospital without a single escape attempt or raising hell was a new record for him, and only Pepper was suspicious that he was avoiding something. Of course, he didn’t dare tell her _why_ (Pepper would kill him before Loki got the chance to). He’d deflected both times that she’d tried asking him about it. He suspected that she hadn’t pressed him for details only because he was behaving.

After wandering the city for the day until he just couldn’t put his return off any longer, Tony finally walked into the Tower after 9 PM and was relieved that he only encountered Natasha and Clint. The two agents had checked out of the hospital a few days after they’d checked in and were healing nicely. Steve (with his stupid super-serum) was perfectly fine and of course Bruce, Thor, and Loki hadn’t needed medical attention in the first place.

Tony felt his stomach drop as Natasha told him that Loki had been locked on his floor since the battle was over and had refused to speak to any of them. At first, they’d thought he was absent because he was at the hospital with Tony. Then they’d figured maybe Loki was holed up all alone because he was shaken by the severity of Tony’s injuries.

_If you only knew,_ he thought sourly.

Thor had apparently tried talking to Loki a week ago, but Clint said he’d returned after only five minutes and had, very seriously, advised them all to leave Loki alone until he sought out their company.

Tony could only tolerate the chit-chat for a few minutes after that before he made his way to the elevator, sucking in a fortifying breath despite the ache in his ribs. “J, ask Loki if it’s okay if I come talk to him.”

The AI was quiet for too long and Tony’s pulse picked up when the elevator didn’t move. “JARVIS?”

“He is not answering the inquiry,” JARVIS reported.

“Damn it,” Tony whispered.

* * *

Night time in New York City was not terribly different from Asgard. Though the sounds were unique, the lights and the volume and the rhythm of the city were very similar. On the rare occasions that Loki had felt homesick during his stay on Midgard, he liked to put a couch out on the balcony and let the chaos of the city below lull him to sleep.

In an attempt to feel even a sliver of comfort, Loki had been out on the balcony every night for three weeks.

And he hadn’t felt a sliver of comfort in three weeks. He hadn’t been able to calm his nerves in three weeks. He hadn’t slept properly in _three weeks._

The few times he’d managed to sleep for more than an hour, he’d awakened shaking and biting back sobs. Images of the Iron Man armor ejecting Anthony’s broken body plagued his dreams. One particularly horrifying afternoon, Loki dreamt that he fought diligently beside Iron Man, completely unaware that behind the armor Anthony’s life was slipping away with every passing minute. The suit had landed gracefully after the battle was won and when Loki approached the stationary armor to offer his tired lover an embrace, the suit opened and Anthony’s bloodied carcass slumped into Loki’s arms.

After two weeks of refusing to leave his floor or interact with any of the other Avengers, Thor had touched down on the balcony and stepped inside Loki’s apartment, likely to learn what was troubling the mage and coax him out of isolation. It wasn’t uncommon for Loki to lock himself away for days at a time, but the others insisted that it wasn’t healthy and rarely let him be for more than a week.

He wasn’t sure what Thor had anticipated, but his eyes were wide as he froze in the living room, taking in the sight of Loki sitting on the coffee table, head in his hands as he tugged at his hair and wept in frustration and exhaustion.

Ever caring and perceptive, Thor brought Loki a glass of water and quietly expressed his wish for Loki to take the time he needed to feel better, whatever it was that ailed him. He left without another word and Loki was grateful that he was no longer bombarded with well-meaning inquiries from the other Avengers.

Though Thor still managed to get under his skin like no one else ever could, gestures like that made Loki painfully aware that he would always love his brother dearly.

By now Loki was long past exhaustion and his sanity was wearing dangerously thin with every passing hour. But staying awake was the better option; he wasn’t sure he could handle even one more nightmare. So he stood on the balcony overlooking the city, picking apart the different sounds he heard and trying not to think about how it felt to catch Anthony’s dead weight as he fell from the sky.

He felt Anthony the moment he entered the Tower and, although he wanted to distance himself from the other man in every way, his seidr recognized Anthony and sought out his beating heart like it was offering salvation. Loki didn’t _want_ to be aware of him, and yet he could be aware of _nothing else._ He drank in each strong beat of Anthony’s heart and the anger and relief building inside Loki made him want to scream.

“Mr. Laufeyson,” JARVIS said gently, the noise of the city nearly drowning him out, “I’m sure you are already aware, but Sir has returned home from his stay at the hospital. He has asked if you are amenable to seeing him.”

Loki’s grip on the railing tightened, bending the metal beneath his fingers until it left imprints. _Why concern yourself with how I feel **now,** Anthony,_ he wanted to sneer. He wanted to say yes. He wanted to say no. He couldn’t answer JARVIS because at that very moment he wanted Anthony safe in his arms just as much as he wanted to never lay eyes on him again.

“I can tell Sir that you are occupied if you would prefer not to see him just yet,” JARVIS offered.

Loki felt a swell of affection for the AI. Though he hadn’t asked, JARVIS had kept Loki up to date on Anthony’s status and recovery while he was in the hospital. Loki wasn’t sure he could have handled seeing Anthony after healing all those injuries. He had seen patients in hospitals before and if he’d been forced to see Anthony tethered to so many devices to stay alive...

_Alive is alive,_ Loki reminded himself. JARVIS could have continued following the Avalon Protocol as Anthony had wanted him to. Though Loki had threatened to knock the suit out of the sky, the battle had drained him and JARVIS likely could have outmaneuvered Loki until the fight with the Doom Bots was over.

Until it was too late to save Anthony.

Loki had never once believed that JARVIS was ‘lines of coding and nothing more’ as he’d put it, but curiosity and fondness for the AI had morphed into overwhelming gratitude that Loki couldn’t begin to express. Those ‘lines of coding’ were the reason Anthony was alive for Loki to be mad at him, and Loki cherished every last one of them.

And, perceptive as the AI was, Loki knew that JARVIS wouldn’t take his silence personally.

Anthony could decide for himself if he wanted to face Loki’s wrath now or later. For his part, Loki wasn’t sure which he preferred. There was a very real possibility that he’d take one look at Anthony and know, without a doubt, that he could never trust him again.

The thought filled him with dread.

* * *

Tony’s heart twisted with guilt as JARVIS informed him that Loki was out on his balcony and wasn’t outright rejecting Tony’s company.

Though Tony was sure that Loki was already well aware of his approach, he made a little extra noise as he walked to give Loki the chance to tell Tony to go to hell if he suddenly decided that he didn’t want to see him.

Loki’s rigid silhouette was more than a little ominous as he stood overlooking the city. Under the glow of city lights, he looked every inch the alien prince that had once tried to subjugate Earth. When Tony stepped up beside him, shame and sorrow further tore at his heart as he got a good look at his lover.

There were indentations on the railing from Loki gripping too tightly, salt tracks were visible on his cheeks even in the dim light of the city below, and his soft linen shirt was wrinkled like he’d been wearing it for days.

Most painful of all was the consuming desire to wrap Loki in his arms but knowing that his touch wouldn’t be welcome.

“I’m sorry,” Tony whispered.

“You are sorry,” Loki repeated slowly. “Are you sorry that I discovered your protocol or that I discovered a way around it?”

Tony’s throat tightened. He deserved every bit of Loki’s anger but he wished that he could take away the hurt. Loki’s whispered plea to JARVIS still played on a loop in his mind and it broke his heart every single time. “I’m sorry that I had to activate it at all, I guess. I should have been more cau—”

“Accidents happen, Anthony,” Loki said, his tone dismissive. And oh, that was not good _at all._ “Being cautious had little to do with it. Danger is a hazard of being an Avenger and, try as you might, you cannot foresee every possible outcome of a fight. You had no way of knowing that you might need to activate your Avalon Protocol.”

Tony could sense the danger, knew that he needed to tread carefully. “I know, but—”

“And in the event of a future fatal injury,” Loki continued, his tone somehow casual and accusatory at the same time, “I suppose I shall have to find a way to be content with the knowledge that you care so little for my feelings that you would allow your body to grow cold and hope that I am none the wiser.”

His heart seized. “No!”

“Do you find it poetic that your armor would become your casket,” he asked unkindly. “Do you find _comfort_ in the fact that JARVIS would continue to carry out our bidding and protect _us_ while _you_ lay dead inside your suit?”

Tears gathered in Tony’s eyes. _“No!_ That’s not— Loki, I—”

“Is he meant to mimic responses in your voice too,” Loki asked hoarsely. “Have you... Norns, have you _prerecorded_ vague responses that JARVIS can use to answer us in case we grow suspicious? An added security to further the lie that you are well before you unveil your corpse to us with a flourish?”

“What?! No! Of course not!” But that wasn’t exactly true, was it? He had nothing so morbid as recordings, but JARVIS could choose to respond on Tony’s behalf if the team grew too worried about his silence.

Loki saw _something_ in Tony’s expression that gave him away and his green eyes were suddenly blazing despite the heavy tears rolling down his cheeks. “I am trying to understand your thought process, Stark,” he spat. “In which mania-fueled binge did you decide you didn’t care how we might react if this protocol worked as you wanted it to? When did you decide that you didn’t care that something like this would haunt me for _thousands_ of years to come?”

“I’m _sorry,_ ” Tony said, voice small and broken. “That was _never_ my intention!”

In the dim light, Loki’s face paled. “I cannot fight beside you anymore,” he whispered, eyes wide as he shook his head. His breaths were picking up speed. “I cannot bear to witness you throw your life away so carelessly! As if it means _nothing_ to you! As if it means nothing to _me! Please,_ Anthony,” he whined, “you can’t make me _do_ that!”

“I’m not! I promise I’m not!” Tony fought to get himself under control, quickly rubbing away tears with the heel of his hand. He had to pull himself together. He had no right to be upset right now. “I changed the Avalon Protocol while I was in the hospital! The directives are different now!”

Loki looked like he was on the verge of boiling over and having a fit. He tangled his fingers in his hair and took several deep breaths. More than once Tony opened his mouth to speak, to tell him anything that he needed to hear. But, in the end, he resisted. At this point, Tony was more likely to drive him over the edge rather than pull him back from it. When Loki managed to compose himself, he turned an empty gaze to the city below. “The directives are different.” He sounded so tired. Then his voice hardened and he shook his head. “Fantastic. Get out.”

“What?”

Loki’s red-rimmed eyes were a maelstrom of anger and grief as he looked at Tony. “I said _get out_ ,” he snarled.

Tony’s heart was hammering. Loki was trying to close a door and lock it tight forever and Tony was on the wrong side of it. He _could not_ let that happen. His voice shook but he managed to tell him, “No.”

Loki’s expression contorted with rage and golden magic sparked at his fingertips. “If you—”

“Loki, _please just listen!_ You don’t even have to listen to me! Listen to JARVIS! J?”

“Sir has rewritten the parameters for the Avalon Protocol. After reviewing data from the previous battle, Sir has determined that if he should suffer serious injury, two suits will be called to the scene as backup. Additionally, when there is a safe moment to do so, Sir will be deposited either to a hospital or to you for immediate medical attention before the empty suit rejoins the battle.”

Loki’s legs gave out and he choked on a sob. He looked up at Tony, no trace of betrayal or resentment. Only soul-deep despair. _“Anthony,_ ” he keened. Tony knelt beside him, itching to offer any kind of comfort at all but terrified that it would be rejected. “How could you _**leave me**_ like that?”

Tony placed a shaking hand on Loki’s back. Perhaps Loki would refuse his touch, but he could deal with that no matter how much it hurt. If Loki tried to push him away for good, it was no less than he deserved.

But Tony wouldn’t go quietly. He would kick and scream and _fight_ because he was _selfish_ and _possessive_ and he was in far too deep to ever let Loki go. “I won’t do that to you ever again,” Tony swore. “I’m not going anywhere.”

Loki was eerily still for several beats. Tony was not above begging for forgiveness but, just as he opened his mouth, Loki’s breath hitched and the god leaned forward, burying his face in Tony’s chest and howling in agony. Ignoring his own tears, Tony ran his fingers through Loki’s hair and whispered apologies as he held Loki close. Loki shook his head but leaned closer into Tony’s space all the same.

A rejection of his words, but not his touch. It was a start. It meant that Loki wasn’t locking Tony out of his heart forever. The relief was dizzying, but soon it was replaced with determination. Tony would have to put in a hell of a lot of work to rebuild Loki’s trust in him, but he would do anything and everything to get it back. And _when_ he earned it back, he would _**never**_ betray it again.

Loki’s weeping quieted after some time but still he trembled. Tony held him tightly, unwilling to let go until he was pushed away. “It wasn’t just the data or the loophole you found that made me change it,” Tony found himself whispering into Loki’s hair. “I heard what you said to JARVIS after. I thought about how it would impact you if... if it had been too late. How you would blame yourself. How you’d carry that hurt, maybe for the rest of your life. How you’d question yourself for not realizing in time. How you’d question _me_. I... I love you _so_ much and I never want you to question that.” Loki’s grip on Tony’s shirt tightened, but when he said nothing Tony continued quietly. “I don’t ever want to hurt you, and I realized... As it was, the Avalon Protocol was capable of hurting you _so much_ — maybe more than anything else I could ever do. I can’t... I can’t _do_ that to you again! I’m sorry that I didn’t think to change it before now. I’m sorry that I activated it. I’m...” Tony choked on tears but forced the rest out in a rush. “I love you and I’m so **so** sorry that I almost left you behind to deal with the aftermath of my death. I cried myself to sleep every night in that hospital because I knew that what I felt was only a _fraction_ of what you were dealing with. It broke my heart to know that I hurt you so deeply. It’s tearing me apart to think of the mess I would have left behind if you hadn’t been able to sense me or heal me. This outcome was a miracle and I _still_ can’t stand how much I hurt you!”

Loki’s breath had evened out, but the tension in his back told Tony that he was still on edge. What exactly he was on edge about, Tony had no idea. He wasn’t sure if he really wanted to know, and he knew it wasn’t his place to ask. He just wanted to hold Loki and tell him sorry as many times as he had to until the mage wasn’t in pain anymore.

And, because Tony Stark couldn’t even half-ass self-loathing, he had the audacity to wish that Loki would hold and comfort _him_.

Tony rubbed harshly at the tears in his eyes again, disgusted with himself. This wasn’t about _him_ ; he didn’t have the right to lean on Loki for support after what he’d done.

After a long silence filled with occasional sniffles, Loki finally spoke, his voice rough from crying. “I am grateful that you understand how I felt,” he said quietly. “I will be angry for quite some time, but I must thank the Norns that I was able to feel you slipping away from me before it was too late. I am... **so** upset with you, Anthony, but...” Loki took a deep, shuddering breath. “This might have ended far more tragically if it happened at a later date.”

Tony nodded slowly. He’d thought about that too while in the hospital. Now that he was aware that Loki had the ability to sense Tony with his magic, he couldn’t help imagining how much more tortured Loki would have been to discover he hadn’t _noticed_ that Tony was dead.

Tony really hated himself sometimes.

“Do you...” Tony fought for control of his voice. This was about Loki and what _he_ wanted. “Do you need to be alone right now?”

Loki was quiet for a moment, but then all the tension drained out of him in one long sigh. “Yes.”

Tony’s heart sank. Though he now knew that this wasn’t the end for them, it still burned him from the inside out to know that Loki needed time away because Tony was the _source_ of his turmoil.

But this was his fault, and Tony would respect Loki’s need for space. He might need _weeks_ to himself before he could stand to look at Tony again, but Tony would give him all the time he wanted. “Okay,” he whispered. He kissed Loki’s temple gently and pulled away, getting to his feet and reaching to help Loki up. When Loki was upright and gazing out at the city again, Tony squeezed his hand before letting it fall away, leaving Loki to himself.

Tony felt like he’d been hollowed out as he made his way to the bedroom in the penthouse. He didn’t bother to change out of the clothes he’d worn from the hospital as he sank onto his bed, wrapping himself tightly in the oversized comforter and crying for the torment he’d put his lover through. Loki looked like he hadn’t slept more than a few hours at a stretch in the time that Tony was in the hospital. He knew Loki well enough to know that he probably hadn’t eaten properly in all that time either.

But that was hardly a surprise, was it?

How could you _**leave me**_ like that?

He dozed off after a while, but soon woke and cried again. Then dozed off again. Then woke and cried again. He wasn’t sure how long the cycle lasted but he was developing a headache and his ribs didn’t appreciate the erratic convulsing of his sobs.

Hours later, in a haze of semi-consciousness, Tony felt the mattress dip beside him. Loki’s presence nearly sent him into another crying fit, but Tony rushed to scrub away his tears. Loki had enough to be upset about without Tony adding his pathetic self-pity on top.

Loki didn’t wait long to extract him from the blanket and, to his surprise, pulled Tony into his arms. Tony’s hands were trapped between their chests and he couldn’t hide the flood of tears anymore. Loki was sure to notice his shirt getting wet but he said nothing as Tony shook with the effort to fight a complete meltdown. He had no right to crave relief when this was a mess of his own making.

They lay tense for several minutes, Tony leaking tears as silently as he could while Loki held him. After a time Loki sighed heavily and one of his hands found its way into the hair at the base of Tony’s skull. “Perhaps,” Loki said quietly, “rather than keeping it all inside, you would allow me to see just how much this guilt eats at you. Penance for the suffering you caused me. Wouldn’t you agree that I have earned that?”

Tony saw it for what it was: an invitation to break down under the guise of something that Loki was entitled to. In the next breath, Tony finally allowed himself to cry his heart out in the safety of Loki’s arms. Loki said nothing, but his thumb gently rubbing circles on the back of Tony’s neck spoke volumes.

When Tony’s sobs trailed off into hitched breaths, he said the one thing he’d been thinking nonstop since JARVIS played that audio clip: “I don’t deserve you.”

“No, you do not,” Loki agreed softly. “Not right now. But you will again. And there will come a time when _I_ do not deserve _you_. When that day comes, I expect that you will hold me as tightly as I hold you now.”

It was the easiest promise Tony would ever make. “Done.”


End file.
